my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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