I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
