seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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