How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
