That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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