Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
