Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
