Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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