my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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