if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
