She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
