I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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