I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
