This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
