Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
