Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
