Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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