eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My dick has a subreddit
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
