I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
