i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
