Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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