I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
