he thought i was a dude.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
