is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
