3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
