she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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