how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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