but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
