Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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