I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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