dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
