Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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