You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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