He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
