just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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