I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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