Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
