College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
