I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
