I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All the doctor said was why
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
