How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
