i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
