he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
