walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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