Your face is a jimmy john
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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