Ambien. No doubt about it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
