my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
