addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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