If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
