Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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