I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
