i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
