i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
