We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
