i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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