I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
