He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just googled if crying burns calories
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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